How Do I Cope?

He couldn't have died at a worse time.
I know that's wrong of my to say, but it's true. I pushed my hair out of my eyes, glancing at the growing pile of bills. How would I ever pay them now? His military pension was the only thing that had given us hope. That was  gone now. My thoughts were interrupted by a loud cry. I went up the stairs and into the second bedroom. Scooping up my one month old baby. Looking into her sweet, innocent face I realized that she would never know her father. A weight was laid on my shoulders as I became aware that the way this tiny baby thought about her father completely rested on me. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the diaper bag and headed out to the car that was waiting outside. Clutching my daughter close to me I wiped a tear from my eye. The ceremony was short. One of my husband's close friends presented me with the folded flag. Even though he's not supposed to, he leaned down and gave me a hug before returning to his place. I stared stoically at the casket as it was lowered into the ground. The musket fire rang through my body with each shot. The noise scared my daughter and she started to cry. I tried to calm her down, but it was no use. I couldn't take it anymore. I started to cry too. Sinking to my knees I held my head in one hand. Clearly surprised by my outburst, my daughter stopped crying and just looked at me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see my husband's friend. I could tell by his face that he wanted to comfort me. My mom and sister stepped forward. My sister took the baby from me and my mom held me close to her.
After the ceremony everyone came up to offer me their condolences. I simply nodded, shook hands, and hugged them. When I thought I had gotten through everyone I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see my husband's friend. Without saying anything he enveloped me in a hug. He didn't offer any words of sympathy that wouldn't do anything. Nothing would bring my husband back. With a comforting arm around my shoulders he led me and my daughter back to the car.

Prayer Is Powerful

He watched, helpless, as the door closed behind her. Placing his head in his hands he paced back and forth in front of the door. Helplessly he sat down in a chair and prayed. He prayed for himself, he prayed for his wife, but most importantly, he prayed for his unborn child. Mindlessly twisting his ring around his finger, he prayed for his future. He prayed for strength in all the possible outcomes. Silently a single tear traced it's way across his face. He let it fall, he didn't care, nothing mattered right now but his wife. Not caring what those who walked by thought, he fell onto his knees and sobbed. Crying out for the Lord, crying out for His strength. Most people just passed him, but one woman stopped. She watched for a moment, saying a silent pray of her own. She hesitated for a moment then went over and placed a hand on his shoulder. He glanced up and saw her compassionate smile. She knelt beside and started praying, though she knew not what for. A quiet peace came over him, a peace that passes all understanding. They sat together in silence for what seemed like hours. At last the door opened. He stood up and faced the doctor.
"It's a girl," he said nodding his head. Placing a hand on his shoulder the doctor reassured him her could see his wife soon, but if he wanted to, he could see his daughter now.
"Yeah!"
The doctor retreated back into the operating room and returned moments later holding a bright pink bundle. He took his daughter in his arms and looked down at her peaceful sleeping face.. Turning to the woman behind him, he reached for her hand, "thank you so much for praying with me."
But when he turned around she wasn't there. In that moment he knew she had been an angel sent from God.
A few months went by and the man and his wife are scrambling around the house after their little girl, Angel.

All Around Me

In my Writing II class we had to write a free verse poem on a serious subject. I chose to write about the way people tend to respond to other people and how they respond to other people's responses to them. The following is what I came up with:

All around me people judge

They judge the way I look

They judge the way I talk

They judge what I believe

All around me people laugh

They laugh because I fell

They laugh because of my laugh

They laugh because of the way I dress

All around me are jackles

They find joy in other's suffering

But then they get upset,

 When people do the same to them

Memories and Moving On

Most vivid about his childhood memories of his home town was the times he spent at his neighbors farm. He spent every weekend there, and sometimes he'd go over after dinner. He loved to watch the horses in the pasture. He'd watch them for hours. But brushing them wand washing them was his favorite. He loved feeling the strong, sturdy muscles as he stroked the horse's back and flank. The way the horse's glassy eyes watched him as he did his work.
But he'll never forget that fateful day. The first day he rode a horse was fine. But then when he tried riding the horse by himself, well, that's when everything went wrong.
First he tensed, then the horse threw him backwards. As the horse reared it stepped backward, landing on his shin. Hearing the sickening crunch, and the painful wail, the horse shot forward, running around the track, circling back. The instructor had just reached him and pulled him off the track before racing to calm the horse down.
The next hour was a blur. With the paramedics rushing to his side, the ambulance ride to the hospital, and being prepared for surgery. When he woke up in his hospital room pain came shooting up from his leg. Glancing down he saw that his leg was in a brace. As the nurse explained what had happened he started to feel queasy.  
And now as he stood at the entrance to the horse farm all those memories came flooding back. He glanced down at his prosthetic leg and took in a shaky breath.
"Daddy! Daddy!"
He turned around and opened his arms wide, crouching to scoop up his daughter. His wife came up, laughing, and put her arm around him.
:This is brave of you, sweetheart. I'm proud of you."
"Anything for my two princesses!"
He took another deep breath, shifted his daughter on his hip, took his wife's hand in his and walked toward the barn.

Midnight Emotions

Midnight. Thoughts flooding my mind. Emotions running wild. My body shook, my eyes were blurry, my mind a fog. I rolled over and grabbed my phone. I texted the only person I knew I could. "I could use a hug right now," was all I needed to say. He talked to me, he let me talk at him. I told him things I'd never admitted to anyone. Though tears continued to flow my spirits were lifted. I told him I never wanted to lose him and he said I didn't have a choice: I'm stuck with him forever. After jokes and tears and virtual hugs I started feeling better. My eyes were dry, my smile back. 

It's an amazing feeling knowing that there is even one person who will make you feel better whenever you're feeling down. You may have differing opinions on certain topics, but when you have a mutual respect for each other those differences don't really matter. I love having a friend who will talk with me in the middle of the night until I feel better because he knows I would do the same for him. Friendships like these don't just happen. They're meant to be, predestined by God. Friendships like these aren't easily torn apart, they will stand the test of time. Friendships like these are the ones everyone longs for, but sadly not everyone has. When you have a friend like this they aren't just your best friend, they're your family. Because family isn't defined by blood, family is defined by the people you trust enough to love the way you love your family. Even if you move far away those bonds will hold because not even distance can break the bonds of a family. 

Math Class Scribbles

The raven black horse grazed in the field. Behind him the sun was sinking behind the hill. The impending darkness did not bother the horse. He liked the darkness and the peace that came with it. In the darkness sometimes he heard the growl of a vicious beast, but they didn't scare him. The raven horse knows he can out run any beast if he needs to. In the silent darkness he continued to graze. He eats until he's tired, and then the graceful mustang sleeps. In the morning he will wake, and graze on his kingdom again.

That Summer Seemed To Last Forever

That summer seemed to last forever. From going to summer camp and working on the weekends. This summer Cory was at his uncle's house in California, and I was stuck here in Philadelphia. I couldn't wait until he got home. I'd been waiting three months to see him again. I was lying in the hammock in my backyard in the corner by the fence. I'd been holding my phone waiting for Cory to text me, telling me he was home. But it never came. I kept checking the time, his flight was supposed to be in an hour ago!
I started getting nervous when suddenly, "Hey, Sydney, that looks relaxing."
I jumped up from the hammock so fast I fell over. Cory jumped over the fence and helped me back up. I flung my arms around his neck and he threw his arms around my waist. He spun me around and when he placed me back on the ground he planted a kiss on my cheek.
"Syd, I've missed you so much!"
"I missed you more!"
"Ha, I beg to differ! Oh! But I brought you something from California!" Cory reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black box and handed it to me.
I nervously reached out and took the box. I opened it and inside there was a beautiful necklace with a Golden Gate Bridge charm on it, "Oh, Cory, I love it!" I reached over and and kissed him on the cheek, "Hey! Wait a minute! Why didn't you text me when your plane landed?"
"I wanted to surprise you!"
"Aw aren't you just the best boyfriend ever!"
"Yeah, well, I don't want to brag but..." I punched him in the arm and smirked.
"Hey! You thirsty? My mom made lemonade yesterday."
"Sounds delicious! I've missed your mom's lemonade while I was away."
I smiled, linked my arm through his and laid my head on his shoulder and we walked into my kitchen.